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Shufflingdead > Articles > Computers
I am Better Than You
I apologize in advance for ripping off that site.
ps. I hate finding images.
Due to the incredible popularity and respect I have gained from the entirety of the internet community I have decided to give all you what you deserve, instructions on how to become an internet God. Before you begin the short path to getting 55 000 unique IP hits a day on your awful website and having a group of 10 000 creepy guys stalk you you'll need to obtain the following things:
- a digital camera
- web space
- a big box (usually gray) with various objects attached to it; such as a display unit, a rectangular shaped input device and a small round shaped input device
- something old
- something new
- something borrowed
- something blue
- and a silver sixpence in her shoe
Once you've got all that you'll need to learn some "HTML skillz" so you may show the world your comic genius on that l337 Angelfire site of yours. I would teach you HTML right now but I don't know how to make HTML code display (laziness is a sign of a good webmaster) I'll let you learn on your own.
It's time to begin building that site of yours now. To begin with I recommend a visible and memorable background colour, hot pink usually works but if you want you can design a nice rainbow grid pattern for your site instead. The text on your site should contrast with the background so that it is as visible as possible, yellow is a personal favorite. The naming of your site should not be a difficult task. Just take your first and last names, intermingle them, capitalize every other letter and don't forget to change all the e's to 3's.
Example:
aNn3dBrOeRwNz Kewl Angelfire Site
If there's one aspect of a site that keeps 'em coming back it's the eight hundred word rants about what goes into hot-dogs you just can't stop writing. Other popular topics I recommend ranting about on your site include:
- Why you believe you are God's personal messenger
- That whore you danced with at grade nine grad
- What a handsome and sexy lad I am
- The sexual fantasies you have about your friends sister
- Counter Strike
Remember when I told you to get a digital camera? Well here's where that comes in. The average internet user will view thousands of sites exactly like yours and won't revisit any of them. That's why you must draw their attention to your content with some amazing pictures of yourself. I know I always bookmark any site containing images of it's webmaster strewn about in random areas. The pictures should be in very bad taste, show a lot of skin and feature you licking your own nipple.
I know it's difficult to take the time out of your busy porn viewing schedule, as it was for me, but believe me, becoming the webmaster of your very own ad-filled money making site is well worth the time and effort.
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