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Shufflingdead > Articles > Conspiracies
Conspiracy Theory
Over the past few weeks I have become fully convinced there is a broad and wide sweeping conspiracy bent on the internet taking over my life. Because I have no idea where the conspiracy originated I will begin my search in the most logical place. I will do a search for '1337' on images.google.com and begin my research on the site which contains the first image that appears in the search.
Results:
It would seem the French play a large role in destroying my life. Upon closer inspection of the site, teachers are also in on this allegiance. Proof:
"The term paper is to be a minimum of 10 pages long (15 pages for graduate students), not including front and end matter. It can be on any topic within our period, but you must use at least three different book-length sources (graduates must also use journal literature). For term papers I prefer end notes over footnotes."
If writing a 10 page paper is what it takes to find out why everyone is against me, then that's what I'll do! Get ready to do a lot of reading.
www.boisestate.edu is, in fact, a University. Not only that, but it's in Idaho! If memory serves me correctly, they make potatoes in Idaho, I believe this is of great importance.
Because athletics has always been about annoying me, I will now investigate the Universities athletics department. Their sports teams are called the Broncos. The Broncos is also an NFL football team which plays in Denver. All of this can only mean one thing, my enemy is a potato eating Frenchman playing for the Denver Broncos.
 The most French sounding name in the Bronco's roster belongs to a Leon Lett. I know this because there is a character in Star Fox named Leon and he's French. Leon Lett:
Height: 6-6
Weight: 290
Whoah! That guy could definitely beat me up. However, it is a scientific fact anyone who has ever played football and survived is too stupid to perform a delicate operation such as destroying my life.
 The trail now leads to that sinister Star Fox character, Leon Powalski. Our friend ZF38 at SSBU provides some intriguing insight into the mind of Powalski during a recent interview:
| ZF38: |
Question three. Do you like plot holes?
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| Leon: |
(begins to worry) You have a plot-hole device that keeps them away, don't you? Every other person that interviewed me seemed to have those . . .
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| ZF38: |
NOPE!! I love having unexpected visitors. Oh, here's one now. (Link from that Zelda series pops up.)
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| Link: |
enguarde, you slimy piece of . . . Huh? Where am I? (looks dizzy and sits down)
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Well that proves, without any doubt whatsoever that the staff at SSBU are my real enemies. After all, anybody who runs a non-sensical web site on a free provider is moronic and should be destroyed. With the exception of ZF38, a 13 year old female (I'm hoping to chat her up on ICQ at some point) will now be persecuted for their stupidity. Justice is blind folks!
So now that I know who my real enemies are I can sleep soundly this morning. I would not be surprised to awaken in the early afternoon to find I am at war. Get ready for the fight of your lives my loyal subjects.
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