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Shufflingdead > Articles > Dating
Ascension
 | Strippers actually wear these things, I've confirmed it. |
Have you ever looked at your keyboard? I mean really looked? If you have a standard keyboard as I do, you might be able to notice the regular letter keys and the space bar form the shape of a woman's crotch. Go ahead, cover up the extra keys with your hand and take a look, do you see it? This is like a test I guess, if you see it, then that probably means you're a man who's just come back from his first ever trip to the strippers. If you don't see it, well I'm not sure what it means, that has nothing to do with strippers.
As you've probably guessed, I just had my first adventure to a so called "strip joint." I'd like to start off by offering my take on the event. Once I got past the preposterous cover charge and the meddling waitresses, I started getting scared as hell of a few things. My anger turned to fear as it occurred to me that there's always a chance of getting shot or stabbed; afterall, this is where Tony Soprano conducts business meetings. I started wondering if I'd be forced to interact with the strippers some how, hassled for money maybe, that sort of thing. All of that got pushed out of my mind pretty quickly though, and here's how: there was a naked woman dancing on a poll in front of me. The great thing about the strippers is that the critics are completely wrong about them; it's not demeaning to women and it doesn't make them seem like objects. I found the point at which the girl tried to get money from me to be as intimidating as fuck. I realized just who had the power at that very point, she wasn't being demeaned, I was. So what does this all mean, you might be asking? Well it means that seeing women take off their clothes on stage is better than seeing them do the same on video, but that it doesn't make wank material.
No, that's not the point, let me start again. This story actually begins here, more specifically, here. Sociologists map the sexual interactions in a high school and this is what they get. I came across this study a few days ago and it had managed to burrow itself into my mind. Are you noticing the guy who "banged" 9 (9!) girls? What about the girl who did 4 guys and a chick? Or the one young lady who fucked 6 guys? I sure as hell noticed. At one point the article notes "Slightly more than half of all students reported having sexual intercourse, a rate comparable to the national average." Well I'll be! This whole fucking study was a bloody rampage of pain and suffering for me just a couple days ago. My only consolation was that I find little charts like this pretty cool.
 | Relax chum, don't feel so glum. |
This study took me right back to high school, a time when masturbation wasn't just a pastime, it was a way of life. You see... I'm not getting laid now, and I certainly didn't get laid in high school. Sure, I've always known that it's not a big deal, and I've understood for a long time that it's best not to worry about these things. It's just, somehow, this study was really getting to me. Sometime just a couple days ago I realized I had hit rock-fucking-bottom. High school had sowed the seeds of bitterness that had managed to manifest themselves in my waking mind with this study. Sure, I was angry and horny back then, but recently I had turned into a big buttered ball of bitter.
Since then though, I've been to the strippers and I have learned much. Apologies all around if I'm about to sound preachy or perhaps optimistic, but I've learned from the strippers. Since visiting their house of sin I have had a revelation. When those girls try getting you to huck money at them, they are intimidating like no brutish man could ever be. They say sex is a powerful weapon, and strippers wield it with a Samurai's skill. I have lived to tell the tale of the tail and let me say this; the ladies on my bus just don't seem so intimidating any more. I think now is the time of my ascension, lock up your daughters and all that rot. If you're afraid of women, I recommend going to see the strippers and staring your menace right in the cunt.
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