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Shufflingdead > Articles > Dating
I am Probably a Woman
I wrote seven dating articles before this one about various schemes and plots detailing ways in which a guy can trick a girl into going out with him. I now write but one article about how a guy can trick a girl into breaking up with him. The reasons for wanting a girl to leave you vary from man to man, maybe you're just not gettin' what you need, maybe she's draining all the time you used to use for updating your website, whatever.
 | This couple's relationship is based on scary zombie sex, but it works. |
The first thing you, as a not so young but still not old male, should recognize is that you're in a relationship with a girl for reasons besides sex. Admit it, underneath all those pleads for blow jobs and rantings about how you really oughta be having sex because it's damn well part of being a couple, is a need for companionship. You know it's true, you're in love with the girl and she makes life just a bit easier to take. The second you recognize this, you're on your way to breaking up. You see, in a relationship, there must always be a dependent, whether you define this role as being the "woman" or the "bitch" it will only work if the female fills the role. The second you, the male, turn into the one making all of the plans, the one who does the phoning, and the one who cries, your relationship is doomed.
The whole dynamic revolves around a simple concept: the guy is in it for the sex, the woman is in it for the companionship. Deep down, the ladies are only in it for some serious deep dicking, the guys are only in it for the companionship, but each side hides these facts and always pretends the opposite is true. If a girl ever admits to liking sex for the pleasure aspect, she's considered a slut, if a guy ever admits to being in a relationship for the emotional aspect, he's considered a pussy. How courting rituals ever became this truly illogical, I have no idea. I am afraid however, these are the rules that have been set and all people are forced to follow them. So it's simple I guess, you just have to break this one rule and your relationship is going to disappear, unless of course, the girl goes out and gets herself a strap-on and the guy really likes taking it from a girl wearing a strap-on. A girl likes being ignored, she likes being used, she likes being forced into bizarre sexual practices, she likes making all the plans, she likes bludgeoning her man with a croquet mallet just to get him to utter "I love you." A man likes being told "I love you," he likes getting plans made for him, he likes being obsessed over and he likes "cuddling" in even its least sexual form.
So let's say you've found this absolutely wonderful girl and you've been getting along just swimmingly for a couple of months now when all of a sudden it feels like something's wrong. She ditches you because she's "tired" and she forgets to call you a couple of times. You're thinking, okay, she's having a bad week, maybe we've just seen too much of each other lately and you don't really worry about it. Then all of a sudden you're chatting with her on msn and she says she's not really sure she wants to be with you anymore. Well, of course, there's only one plausible course of action, spend the next two days crying in your room and crafting a letter in which you pour all the cheeziest lines and emotional sap you can muster. You then go to her with this letter and guilt her into staying with you. At this point you'll be so relieved you're still together that you'll forget half the arguments she had as to why you should break up and just pretend it's all okay again.
 | This relationship works despite the male admitting to being in it for the emotional aspect. Seems the lady was already aptly equipped to be the man though and it all worked out for the best. |
Fortunately, since you're trying to end things, remember, it will never be okay again. This is the point when the role of "bitch" is transferred to the male. All of that great "experimentation" will end, all of that sitting around and not worrying about anything while she calls you and makes plans will come to a screeching halt. There is no such thing as pity sex. I know it's hard to take, but it's the cold hard truth. For awhile there is such a thing as pity making out and pity staying together, but it all comes unraveled as time goes by.
In true trying to break up with a girl fashion, you'll stumble along together for a couple more months with you as the woman and all it'll seem okay, when one night you'll be recollecting together and "that time she tried to break up with you" will come up and you'll press her on the issue, you'll say "so it was all okay after that night, huh?" and it'll turn out it wasn't. Seems she's just sort of been pretending to be your girlfriend. Excellent! You can tell that this is almost the end! Victory is at hand! She'll practically beg you to let the damn relationship die. This is a trick, a clever ploy to try to keep you together, don't go along with it! Beg her to just try a little longer, say a month.
You have now entered the end game. It's all positioning now. Wait just a couple of weeks, then tell her it's not fair being the woman all the time and she'll stupidly take the opportunity to point out that this is exactly why you should break up. Bingo! She's fallen for your trap. A little more pleading from you to stay together is all it takes as she finally says "there's nothing you can do about it, I'm breaking up with you." Congratulations, you've successfully tricked the girl into ending the relationship.
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