|
Shufflingdead > Articles > Dating
Volcano!
In all the crazy schemes that people have created to lure mates, all their brilliant ploys have had one incurable weakness, that is--until now. The problem is, of course, cock-blocking. The act of one's friends, supposed friends, or mortal enemies interfering with your attempts to win the affections of whatever life ruining fuck-hole or fuck-stick that you happen to be after.
 | Code word for: "fuck off, you're cock-blocking me." |
The solution is elegant, brilliant in its simplicity, and wholly foolproof. It is one word; it is "volcano." A code word for signaling to those attempting to interfere with your dick-in-vagina action that whoever is your target is, in fact, your target. That you claim this target as your own, and that for increasing the average happiness of humanity, they must cease whatever it is that they are doing and leave.
The line may be delivered in several ways. In more crowded social settings such as a bar, where subtlety is key and cock-blocking may be unintentional, a whispering of the word is all that is needed. In a more personal setting such as a party, where an individual is making blatant and obnoxious attempts to prevent you from getting laid only in order to assure that you remain a virgin as long as they, a guttural battle cry of "VOOLLLCCCCAAAAANNNNNNOOOOOOO!!" must be made.
The level of fury that you must convey with the word can be difficult for beginners, knowing how loudly to bellow depends on two factors. First, and most importantly, try to determine why the cock-blocking is occurring. If someone you do not know very well is hitting on your target, they may be doing so because they do not realize that this is your target, or they may be disregarding your attempts because they do not know you and are therefore not concerned with you. In either case, only a subtle utterance of "volcano" is needed, and is likely to be respected because your competitor is merely trying to get laid, just as you are, and can hopefully see the logic of not competing directly with anyone. If your target is being hit on or harassed by someone you know, or if your interactions with your target are actually being hindered by a person you know, the much more violent form of the word must be used. It is most likely that the people you know committing volcano are not doing so in a genuine attempt to get laid, but rather to hinder you in some fashion in order garner your hatred or salvage their egos by preventing you from attracting a mate as long as they also remain mate-less.
Aside from who is committing volcano upon you, the other factor which must be considered is the anticipated reaction of your target from your screaming of the word. A random bar person may find it frightening, outside their narrow definition of normality, and once again loud bellowing should be avoided. In more intimate settings, however, where the target is likely much less random, and a target has a much greater understanding of your eccentric personality, a hearty scream of "VOLCANO" will not only serve to drive your oppressors away, but may serve to gain favour with your target, as they will now know without question that you are hitting on them.
Discuss something on the forums - E-mail Us
|
