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Shufflingdead > Articles > Fun
I Dare You to Have More Fun Than Me
For all of you who might not know, Tim Horton's is Canada's national restaurant. They sell donuts, coffee and that's about it. In the United States I believe they have a similar chain of donut shops called Krispie Kum Donuts. Any ways, Tim Horton's is a magical place filled with new and exciting adventures just waiting to be unlocked by you and your trusty cohorts. When my friends and I have a little extra energy and are looking for a wild night on the town we head to the local "Hortons."
Before Visiting your local Hortons I recommend getting acquainted with a few of the characters you're likely to meet:
- "Chick"
Okay, for years you've been searching for the kind of person who would listen to you rant for hours about things such as hard cookies and sensitive blow dryers, right? Well here she is! Being a robot from the future (which I have built to suit myself) this "baby" comes fully loaded with stolen truck and matching bad music cd. This model even comes equipped with a microphone so she can communicate with your dead lovers and sometimes even her boss.
- The Boss
Your greatest enemy at the palace of donut is not "the fuzz" as you might expect but actually the miserable being who happens to run the place. The problem with the boss is the fact that s/he (I'm not entirely sure which at this point) is a cruel slave driver who insists their employees do not "waste" a few hours working on selling customers a small cup of coffee or three day old chocolate chip cookie.
- Girl you had a crush on in grade six
That's right! The strange girl who sat behind you in grade 4 and always talked about how sorry she felt for you has come back. This time around she's got a job and a bit of upper body mass, but besides those things she hasn't changed at all. I don't recommend bothering with her since in the near future the cute shy girl who sits in front of you in math class is going to be your lady friend.
- Hair Net Guy
Hair net guy just loves his job and takes it deathly serious so be sure not to mess with this "tough cookie." Mr. Guy has a lot of problems, such as his obesity, the voice of a 7 year old and that lovely hair net he hasn't taken off since he got the job back when the store was called "Tim's Ring of Dough."
As you can see Tim Horton’s is a land filled with adventure and mystery waiting to be unlocked by you. Pick up your coffee mug young nerd and embrace your destiny as the hero of time!
(Some assembly required. Not valid in Quebec, Newfoundland and anywhere else not suitable for humans. For assistance please consult your manual or call our help line at 1-900-newbs-is-fucking-hot)
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