Prologue
Every now and again my ol' gang of friends (many of whom also write for this website) get together to battle mythical creatures, cast powerful spells and bitch at each other a lot. We call the experience Dungeons and Dragons.
The unrivaled Dungeon Master is DMUSER. A Dungeon Master basically runs the game, creates a world for the players to play in and decides what happens when.
Before DMUSER began the game I informed everyone I had genital herpes.
Then I took a swig of Pepsi and we were off.
Enter the Matrix
DMUSER's campaign took place in the magical kingdom of Fephel. The problem was all the ladies in the kingdom had been turned into lesbians.
The characters my friends and I were playing as were Idiot King, Moron Man...
...and Ninja Girl.
Counsel With the King
Our party decided to visit Lord Ryan, king of Fephel to find out just what was going on.
"Somewhere in Fephel an evil witch has aligned the blessed statues of Gamecube, X-Box and Playstation 2 together, causing all the women in the kingdom to become lesbians. In the mountains there lives an Ogre named Creawl Tel Rewn, he knows where her lair is, go to him and get the information you seek." Go quickly, my lady has turned to the rug munching side."
Queer Lodgings
So we ventured into the mountains and stumbled upon Creawl Tel Rewn's cave dwelling.
"OH OH OH UHN UHN UHN... hey, what the shit are you guys doing here. Boreanaz, you'd better let me talk to these guys for a second."
"So you want to return all the women to being straight eh? Well, I'm sick of seeing all these straight guys getting off on watching lesbians so I'll tell you where she is. In a dungeon, thirty minutes due north of Fephel City is this really out of place Chinese restaurant, take the right turn that's just past that onto I90, keep going for a few minutes and you'll see this big ass waterfall. Run through the waterfall and you'll have entered her lair. The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail to the ruin of all."
Battle Royal
We followed Creawl Tel Rewn's directions and found ourselves facing the evil witch.
"So you have come to destroy my statues have you? I'll tell you what, I'll let you but first you must beat me in a game of Scrabble."
She was a difficult opponent, at one point even getting a triple word score.
We fought hard however and eventually defeated her.
The wicked witch screamed in horror as her unthinkable Scrabble abilities were defeated...
...and she took us to the statues. Which we promptly destroyed, well we kept the Gamecube because it was so beautiful to look upon, but we got rid of the other two.
So all was well again, the king got his lady back and our party got rewarded with lots of electrum.
