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Shufflingdead > Articles > Games
The Industry of Hell
Part 3: Timeline
That's right, I've skipped over Part 2 of my four part article "Industry of Hell" and gone straight for Part 3. I'll get to Part 2 eventually, whatever it turns out being. But I digress, the title for Part 3 speaks for itself. I'm going to detail a timeline of the many thrilling twists and turns the industry has taken since I started following it, way back in the days of the Super Nintendo.
SNES vs. Genesis
 | Super Nintendo: glorious savior. |
Technically, the first video game machine of any kind which I owned was the Game Boy, but it wasn't until I got my Super Nintendo when really got into gaming and began to understand just how things worked in the industry. I still remember that epic day when my sister and I finally convinced my dad to buy us some kind of gaming machine and we marched to, I believe, London Drugs, where the clerk educated us about our two choices, the Sega Genesis and the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. After a brief discussion it was determined that the Genesis focused more on sports games where the SNES focused more on everything but sports, the choice was obvious, Super Nintendo it was. Mario provided me with foreplay, Zelda the suck and fuck, Final Fantasy 3 brought me to orgasm and Donkey Kong gave me a nice sloppy post orgasm hand job.
Several interesting things happened near the end of the Genesis and SNES life cycle. Nintendo sat on their asses and while doing some really incredible things with their aging console, didn't give a flying fuck about the future. They ignored the fact that their would soon be need to release a new home console and made this thing called a "Virtual Boy" which wasn't really a follow up to their Gameboy or Super Nintendo, just a really awful virtual reality contraption that was supposed to be, but wasn't really, portable and gave everybody headaches when they used it. They also contracted Sony to make a CD add-on for the Super Nintendo which would be called the "Nintendo Playstation", they ended up realizing what a terrible idea it was and screwed over Sony by canceling the project. Sega also decided instead of planning to make another console they would just go ahead and make absolutely worthless add-on's for their console. Funny thing is, they actually released theirs, the 32x and Sega CD, which did nothing and absolutely no one bought.
N64 vs. Saturn vs. Playstation
 | Nintendo 64: betrayed by evil society. |
Those bastards over at Sony would not forget how Nintendo canceled their pointless and retarded project and took it upon themselves to destroy the company which I love so dearly. While Nintendo was using spare parts from Soviet mind control machines to make the Virtual Boy, Sony released the Sony Playstation and out of fucking no where Sega released the Sega Saturn. Initially I assumed the Saturn would achieve modest success while the Playstation would crash and burn. Yeah... turns out I was wrong. Seems it was easier to ram cinder blocks into your anal cavity than make games for the Saturn and consumers would betray the good Nintendo name just to own a Playstation and play some shitty Tomb Raider games and watch homo-erotic CG movies about guys with huge swords going to raves... err I mean play Final Fantasy games. That's right, Square, the company which made the Final Fantasy games on the Super Nintendo took the same root as all the mindless ass-fuck consumers and went ahead and betrayed Nintendo as well, developing their games for the Playstation.
A year or two later Nintendo figured out they had better release something too and came out with the Nintendo 64. While hugely anticipated, the N64 featured several large drawbacks, most notably, it was cartridge based, which made games more expensive and greatly limited game size. The decision was made for a couple reasons, Nintendo is morbidly afraid of piracy, and it's much harder to pirate games on cartridge based systems, and chief game developer Shigeru Miyamoto had some bizarre anti-load times crusade. This, coupled with the fact the system was poorly designed and difficult to develop games for, made it unattractive to third party game companies. The N64 did feature superior graphics as well as some of the greatest games of all time, Mario 64, Ocarina of Time, Goldeneye, Perfect Dark, but it wasn't enough. Sony managed to make their console seem like the "cool" choice, with games like Tomb Raider and Tony Hawk, every underage smoker Fred Durst wannabe "let's be cool like Chandler and Joey on Friends" cunt on the planet bought Playstations and Nintendo lost industry control to Sony.
Gamecube vs. Playstation 2 vs. Dreamcast vs. X-Box
 | Nintendo Gamecube: soon, the world will be yours again, my precious. |
In a last act of desperation Sega released the Dreamcast a couple years before anybody else was ready to launch their next-gen consoles. While graphically superior to what existed at the time and, as I understand it, a pretty decent game library, Sega had lost all trust with the public and their console quickly failed. People also knew what was coming up. Sony's Playstation 2 launched as the highest anticipated console ever. Despite a lackluster game line-up the public still bought it in record numbers. Despite the fact that it was poorly designed, programmers eventually started pumping games out for it. Don't you see what's going on here, the world is clearly against Nintendo. They use the excuse that the N64 had no games and was difficult to program for but go ahead and embrace the PS2 even though it featured the exact same damn problems. This is part of some broad conspiracy to destroy everything that I love. Just as my women leave me for the same reasons they join their new guys, just as Wal-Mart destroys my Zellers, just as my employers steal my money.
The world had a shot at taking down Microsoft for anti-competition violations but instead let it go for the simple reason that they knew the company would soon be releasing the X-Box and hoped it would be the final nail in Nintendo's coffin. I am forced to use Microsoft's operating systems on my computer, I am funding a company which is trying to kill the beautiful Nintendo. But it's not my fault, they make me, don't you see, they make me give them money. Almost simultaneously the Microsoft X-Box and Nintendo Gamecube were released. While even initially, the X-Box began pulling further and further ahead in the North American market. People were starting to say that it finally was over for Nintendo. That the company would soon be pushed out of North America and eventually even Japan. But precious, recently Nintendo has lowered the Gamecube's price and it's sales have risen dramatically. It's not over yet, there is currently a glut of great games coming out for the system and a large new marketing campaign being released to push the console during a Christmas which stands to catapult Nintendo ahead of Microsoft. People are starting to take Nintendo seriously again, they're forgetting their old misconceptions about the company, the people are ready at last to play decent games again and embrace the all seeing, all knowing Nintendo!
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