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Shufflingdead > Articles > Humans
Balloons and Clowns!
At long last, the population of earth has driven me to the edge. You, the dominant species of this planet has finally done enough to convince me you are all worthy of the almighty Clown of Suffering's wrath. I would never want to touch a single one of you! I am afraid. So very afraid. With this in mind, I have decided to cover this article with pleasing images while I rant about the ludicrous goings on of your puny planet.
Why! Why must you scare me the way you do? Why must you walk around with your beloved arms, and your bulbous heads, why must you connect these things with a torso! Why, oh God (as you say), why must you propel yourself forward with those two hideous legs, resting on those obnoxious feet. It doesn't have to be this way people! You could always just give up those hideous and obsolete bodies for a robot. You can upload your precious "minds" to the computer inside a robot. You'd be able to fly, fly people. There is something wrong with anyone who doesn't want to fly around in a robot body.
Speaking of those minds, why do you not upgrade them too? They are slowing you down. Think about it, has your mind done anything good for you today? It's letting you read what I'm saying, what kind of mind is that? Your minds are so poorly designed they do things like give you emotions. They actually make you spend precious time doing things like cry and chase after those other humans in the art of courtship. It would be far better to simply discard your mind and body, and simply trust the robots to continue your society.
And what about society? Can you imagine! Large bands of humans gathering together in a small crowded area simply so that they may catch one another’s diseases and steal from one another. Just so children can grow up violent and perverted.
People have sex. The male of your species takes his "glue stick," inserts into the female's "hole" and proceeds to repeat the process quite vigorously. He plays with her "fun bags," she sucks on his "pole o' plenty" he sticks his tongue in her "thing that looks nothing like a taco shell yet can still be represented by one." It comes as a horrible shock that "folks" don't just download some pornographic images and videos and view them whilst pleasuring themselves. It seems to me this would not only be not so horribly scary but would also be much more efficient and cleaner. I implore you, please just... just masturbate. With that thought in mind, I leave you with this:
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