|
Shufflingdead > Articles > Humans
What'd you say about Perverts?
As I was sitting at my computer waiting for something of astronomical proportions to happen -- I started to think. This being the thing that I was waiting for I decided to write yet another artical to celebrate.
Now needing only a topic that I could write about, I did the only thing that is possible in this situation; I did the ritual Google search on the first word that came to mind --pervert. Now you might think that I came up with large amounts of child porn, as well as pictures of convicted pedophiles...but lo and behold Google spoils us again 
Now you may ask me what a man in a giant red suit with a big "m" on it, a sideways grin, and white gloves have to do with a pervert. If are actually enough of an idiot not to see it email me at DMUSER_ca@yahoo.com and I'll respond with how much of an idiot you are...
Now as everyone knows all perverts need transportation. And the more conspicuous the better! At the last pervert-R-Us meeting they all decided to drive plain white box-vans, preferrably with a bed in back, and speakers on the top, playing ice-cream van music,to attract their prey. Because of the magic of the Internet...I just happen to have an artists rendition of one of these uber-vans. 
Now that I knew how they caught their prey, I needed to home in on their interests and hobbies. The first thing that came up on a google search was this  . This shows that all perverts look at anime. That means that most of Japan is included in the pervert population(sorry Hide, Eriko, Sally, and all of the other Japanese people that I know that are going to kill me on Friday...also to Newbs who watches large amounts of anime...err...and me..who also watches large amounts of anime).
Now what do perverts look like you ask? Well that's simple. All perverts have these basic features. Note the earring in the right ear, as well the obvious application of lipstick and pizza face. As well as poorly dyed hair. Also notice the stupid grin, like he's been looking at porn for the last 6 hours and he just caught his kid sister in the shower...
Then on to the middle age picture.
Notice that some features have not changed. Such as the obvious application of lipstick, and the poorly dyed hair, and the stupid grin as if he's been looking at little boys for the past 16 years and just caught his kid sister in the shower. But also notice that the pizza face has been replaced with an unshaven look that can only be accomplished by careful grooming to acheive the perfect look. I apologize as well for using a picture of Micheal Jackson...but really this is an article on perverts...quite frankly you're looking at the #1 pervert in the world...
And that is the description of the common pervert. So if you see anyone with all of those qualities, beware! Gaurd you children! And most of all...KICK HIS LILLY WHITE ASS!!
DMUSER
Discuss something on the forums - E-mail Us
|
