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Shufflingdead > Articles > Humans
Can You Feel It?
Today children we're going to talk about "feelings." I am relentlessly researching this thing called humanity and I recently came across this funny thing these creatures are obsessed with, it's called emotion. Apparently when someone tells you you aren't fit for reproduction it causes "hurt feelings." As far as I know, taking a direct hit to your feelings is along the lines of 4 d6 damage. Ouch! On the other hand, when someone tells you you have a "sexy bod" you gain an unprecedented amount of positive stuff..? I have taken the painstaking effort of listing a few of these feelings and how you can use them to manipulate the masses.
- Love
This love thing is the one feeling most closely guarded by humans. When you shack up with a counter-part (usually of the opposite sex) it is often referred to as "making love." I'm not entirely sure why since humans also state they love there parents, siblings and grandparents. From what I can deduce, humans love anyone who will take the risk of touching them. Some humans however, will "love" another simply if that person talks to them. These people live in the gutter of society and tend to run websites.
If you wish to use love to manipulate someone, all you have to do is join there family through the courtship of a cousin, marry them and then touch your manipulee a lot.
- Hate
The opposite of love. If someone is so afraid of you they run in fear at the site of you, they tend to hate you. From a few of my field cases I have come to realize that most everyone will learn to hate you. If you ever find yourself talking to a human don't fret, they will likely hate you in a matter of minutes.
 | According to Google image search, this person is angry, a form of hate. |
To use hate to manipulate an enemy unit all that is required is the suggestion another person hates them. Let's say you don't want one human to like another human, all you have to do is tell him the other filthy beast doesn't like him and they'll be enemies forever.
- Happy
Now all people like to be happy. Happy is anything that is enjoyable. For instance, I enjoy pornography, therefore looking at porn makes me happy. The more porn I look at the more happy I get. If you are female and also enjoy pornography, oh hell, if you're living and enjoy porn, email me and we can set something up so as to enjoy porn together.
If you wish to use happy to manipulate someone, email me and we can enjoy porn together.
- Lonely
A person is lonely when he or she does not have enough people touching him or herself. Let's take me for example, I have a very sparse collection of people willing to make physical contact with me therefore I am lonely. Rumor has it it doesn't have to be physical contact but that's obviously a lie. If you are also lonely and feel like doing a little touching you can, once again, email me.
To manipulate someone using this lonely stuff, tell them how lonely you are and how all you want is a hug. Offer complete strangers your company on your website if they are willing to touch you. The trick is to make people feel sorry for you. Often, pointing out how you're trying to manipulate them is a bad idea.
- Sad
Careful, this gets complicated! Listen up students, a person can be sad for many reasons. Often sad goes hand in hand with lonely. Other times though it can be caused by a lack of visitors to a persons website. Yet another reason to be sad is the loss of a limb. Making fun of a gimp is a bad idea.
 | According to Google image search this baby is depressed, a form of sad. |
Sometimes killing a persons dog and then making fun of the situation can lead to depression, leaving a person easily manipulated. Relax, I won't kill your dog if you also own cats.
As you can see these humans have many emotions. In fact they have many more emotions then I have listed here. If you wish to suggest more emotions for me to talk about or just want to touch me, email me.
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