|
Shufflingdead > Articles > Humans
More Humans than You Can Fire a Large Automatic Weapon At!
Once upon a time, I wrote a dastardly article which listed many different types of humans. I swore on my mother's grave that I'd describe some more types of humans in the future, and so I have!
Insane Cult Members
One of the most incredible things about human society is the massive number of people belonging to cults. The humans get offended when you use such words though, they like their cults to be called "religion." I've said enough though, chances are I will be attacked by "religious" fanatics as soon as somebody actually reads this.
The Porn Star: Male
Completely different from the female porn star, male porn stars tend to be either fat guys who look like cave trolls and have absolutely massive uhh, "members" or slightly more muscular guys with slightly smaller "partner's in crime." Either way, the guy is certain to either have a mustache or a goatee.
The Weird Hot Sort-of-Punk Girl
These magical girls tend to exist mostly in my imagination. They prance around talking about world hunger and other beatnik type subjects while maintaining a somewhat punk image. The magical qualities these girls posses comes mostly from the way they're spiky hair and super wide pant legs (while being tight around the ass) make me orgasm upon sight.
The Really Weird Cute Sort-of-Punk Girl
Far stranger than the aforementioned females named above, these fair damsels tend to intrigue me more than make me incredibly horny. The magical part of these lasses is more their neurotic tendencies and social outcast status.
Those Guys
Fuck I hate these guys. You know those uhm, guys, who tend to look and act horribly bored unless they're filled with luscious alcohol. The guys who sit around and talk about cars constantly and refer to anybody who's energetic as a "fag." Miraculously these guys always seem to find a girlfriend. I'm guessing they do it by talking to girls every day and saying things to them like "how about that high school football?" and "fuck this weather."
Those Girls
The girls who somehow manage to be more boring than those guys. These girls are completely useless, their version of a "deep" conversation is to whine about their high school football teams losing and how bad the weather is. For no reason other than to constantly talk about how wonderful their boyfriend is, they always have boyfriends. The only two questions these ladies have when searching out a mate is "does he have a car that vibrates and goes vroom vroom?" and "is he only slightly less horribly monotonous as me?"
Old Rich Guys
One of the most idolized figures in human society is the rich, slightly senile, old man. These old guys tend to spout random bits of incredibly profound statements but mostly just do things like open huge amusement parks with dinosaurs in them.
When I first came to this planet I had no idea just how many different races their would be. I mean, I thought "maybe some elves, some orcs, perhaps a troll or two," but nothing like this!
Discuss something on the forums - E-mail Us
|
