|
Shufflingdead > Articles > Humans
Normal People Conversations
Over the past few months I have, to the horror of many, gotten myself a job, and, to the horror of even more, started regularly meeting with an expanded group of peers. These two factors have caused me to become suddenly exposed to the whopping three different conversations which normal humans participate in.
The "How's it going?" conversation
The "How's it going?" conversation takes place between a merchant and his customer when the customer has decided upon his purchase and has approached the merchant to make the purchase. The eternally smiling and joyous merchant is forced to pretend he is glad to see the customer and must make some sort "small talk" with the customer as he enters the purchase into the computer. Imagine now an obese middle aged woman has decided she will buy her obese son an overrated action movie from the eighties, and has handed it over to the guy at the till, the following conversation is doomed to take place unto the cracking of the world:
merchant: Hi there, how's it going?
customer: Not too bad, how about yourself?
merchant: Not bad
customer: Good
At this point the merchant has entered the purchase into the computer and is ready for the customer to pay up:
merchant: Your total is $21.99
customer: What the fuck, there goes the big evil corporation trying to drain me of every penny. Let me see, I think I have the change for you.
The customer proceeds to dig around in her purse for a good ten minutes while a line of future customers steadily grows behind them. Until they finally settle for giving the merchant a $100 bill, and two loonies. The rest of the transaction takes place in utter silence until the customer is leaving, which is when the merchant must pass down the customer's orders from on high to "have a great day!"
 | A bunch of guys getting ready to see who can be the most boring. |
The "Working hard or hardly working?" conversation
The second of the work place conversation. This one takes place when a middle aged man sees one of his kids or the friend of one of his kids working. It goes a little something like this:
middle age man: working hard or hardly working? AHAHAHAHAHAHA-LKJDASHCFPVISHB I am the king of comedy!
kid: ha ha, uh yeah, just working
middle age man: ayup
The "So what are you up to these days?" conversation
This is by far the most annoying conversation that has ever been conversed. Above all others in all of history, this conversation wins for sheer horror.
guy 1: Hey guy, what're you up to these days?
guy 2: Ah, just working
guy 3: Cool man, cool *cracks open beer*
guy 1: Yeah man where at?
guy 2: Super Huge Deadly factory of Doom Company, yeah I make $5 trillion dollar's an hour and work 800 hours a week
guy 2: Sweet, I'm over at incredibly massive factory of death company over on 35th you know, make about the same. How about you guy number three?
guy 3: Uhh... I make $6.35 working at Super Duper Video Store
guy 1: fag
guy 2: gaaay
Somehow this is the only conversation anyone over the age of 18 not currently attending post-secondary education is able to have. The purpose of this conversation is entirely lost to me. Nobody's going to laugh during it, no one is going to get any information out of it, it's just absolutely mindless talk. It saddens me, it's like between the time these guys graduated and now they have lost all sense of creativity. They have lost there way, where once was masturbation horror stories and beautiful angst there is nothing but money, money earned in the most terrible of ways, through hard work. That's another thing that bothers me, they've gained this wretched thing called "pride." They no longer believe in getting money from their parents, they shun dreams of becoming wealthy through enjoyable means. It seems to me these are also just the first amongst those my age to reach this stage, once everyone has completed their education there will be no such thing as humor. Just a pack of workaholics, who will talk about things like "the daily grind" and will have conversations titled things like "I'm getting old."
Discuss something on the forums - E-mail Us
|
