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Shufflingdead > Articles > Pop Culture Pain
Gilmore girls: An Insight Into the Female Mind
Gilmore girls is an incredibly realistic show. Sure, they talk faster and eat more than is physically possible, and the town of Stars Hollow is an impossible mix of entertaining characters, but Rory and Lorelai Gilmore make perhaps the only realistic choices in mate selection of all females in all of entertainment. Before I continue, I should point out that I have seen only seasons one through five, and while I'm sure season six exhibits much of the same infuriating reality, I cannot comment on it at this time.
 | Rory, destroyer of men. |
Let's begin with Rory, daughter of Lorelai Gilmore. She is incredibly intelligent, reads obsessively, and knows seemingly everything about literature, popular culture, and current events. She writes for her school's paper, she's "cute" without being annoying, she's not afraid to have sex. In short, she is perfection incarnate.
Now, if Gilmore girls were any sort of ordinary tv show, I would expect Rory to end up with a succession of either dick-ass guys totally devoid of character, played by guys considered attractive by the largely female audience of the show, or a bunch of awesome, well rounded, sane, and intelligent guys played by scrawny nerds. Neither of these is this case with Gilmore girls, however.
Rory's first boyfriend is Dean, who comes closest to being one of those dick-ass guys devoid of character. He's pretty much a stereotypical jock early on, but develops into a pretty level headed and sane guy with only one flaw: he shows his affection for Rory. Rory, being such a well written young lady runs away from Dean when he tells her he loves her. This is followed by a small piece of foreshadowing as Rory ends up kissing a rich, useless, dick ass from school, a theme which will return. Miraculously, Rory returns to Dean after a brief time, however. Following this, Rory quickly loses interest in Dean, a guy who dare show her attention, and begins dating the serial jackass, Jess. Jess, though a reader like Rory, pays no respect to those around him, steals and defaces property, can't bother to attend high school often enough to pass, and generally sucks at life. All of this together causes Jess to appear as some sort of badical badass, irresistible, obviously, to Ms. Female Gender, Rory Gilmore.
Jess' badicalness eventually causes his relationship with Rory to fizzle as she heads off to college, only to commit the ultimate act of shame. Before that though, knowing that Dean is such a sucker for her, she seduces him just long enough to fuck him a few times and ruin his brief marriage, she ends this new relationship rather quickly, however, by falling in with a group of the richest, prickiest, most conceited bunch of useless cunt fucks ever to walk the Earth. All of this together could probably already be taken as the ultimate act of shame, but no, that is still to come. You see, Rory happens to have a college friend named Marty. Marty's an awesome guy, shares many of Rory's interests, treats her well, and just happens to have a romantic interest in glorious Rory. Wouldn't you know it though, the great Marty rises to the occasion only just in time to compete with the leader of the previously mentioned cunt fucks for Rory's attention, and loses. Well of course he loses! He's a decent guy, whereas Logan, that's the name of the cunt fuck, is not only a cunt fuck, but a rich cunt fuck, an arrogant cunt fuck, a fucking mother fucker of a cunt fuck. Marty is, well he's "just a friend."
 | Lorelai, man slayer. |
The other Gilmore girl is obviously Lorelai Gilmore. Lorelai is Rory's mother, a little older of course, who sports a much more refined shallowness when it comes to mate selection. Lorelai is pretty hot for her age, and she shares much of Rory's intelligence and encyclopedic pop culture knowledge.
Lorelai's string of men is a hell of a lot more boring than Rory's, so I won't bother covering it all in detail; let's take a look at the highlights:
- fucks Rory's dad because he has a motorcycle
- leaves a guy on the day before their wedding because she suddenly decides she's not quite in love with him enough
- fucks Rory's dad for no reason because she has no self control
- leads the great Luke on for four years before finally being suckered into a relationship with him
- doesn't tell Luke that she's been hanging out with Rory's dad
Essentially, Lorelai likes to have boyfriends to kill time and fill her insatiable sexual appetite (not that there's anything wrong with that), but will always find herself wandering back to Rory's jack-off dad, Christopher. Christopher's appeal is two fold, his parents are rich, and he's useless. Christopher spends his time failing at starting businesses, knocking up women along the Eastern seaboard of the United States, and driving a motorcycle.
Gilmore girls has greatly expanded my understanding of the female mind. Where before I would witness the ladies constantly choosing guys for completely incomprehensible reasons and assuring myself that these particular women must certainly be lacking in some regard, and that the decent women were just hiding somewhere, I now have the background knowledge to understand that even the most quality of quality women will still choose the dick ass cunt fucks.
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