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Shufflingdead > Articles > Reviews
Review: Bully Tactics
In the good old days I would chase the ladies about the playground, tackle them and even do a little flirting. But alas, that was before. Before that horrendous gang of hooligans known as "the guys who's soul source of entertainment is beating on Newbs" was formed. Day by day, week by week, month by month and for six years they pummeled me and beat me into submission. By the time I was finished elementary school I was afraid to talk to my own mom, let alone a strange girl. Some of the bullies "antics" worked better than others. Here's a review of a few of the things they did using DMUSER's "crappily drawn brown circles" method.
 
Shove grass down my pants
A very effective tactic if you ask me. It gives great discomfort to me for two reasons, I've got great wads of roughage down my pants and because I've got strange "males" sticking their hands down my pants. If I recall, this method worked quite well and certainly scarred me for life.
Steal my winter gear
A very poor assault. The ability to take my "toque," fill it full of snow and then give it back to me was hardly a well planned attack. They didn't even bother sticking it on my head after filling it with snow. I remind everyone, these were not the most intelligent people. Taking my "mittens," tossing them around and then returning them added to the horrifying experience even more. Now for some underage girls wearing mittens.
Call me things I don't understand
I remember a particular bully. In fact, my first bully, who used to call me either "funky" or "fucky." Because I had no idea what he was talking about, I was deeply offended. He refused to tell me what it meant which bothered me deeply. After all, he could have been calling me cool or something along those lines.
Refuse to let me pass in the hall
When I was but a young'n I was deathly afraid of being late for class. So you can imagine how horrifying it would have been to be unable to pass through the hall and get to class. Whether they realized it or not, my bullies were doing something rather well. More than once this tactic led to me crying.
If you are someone in elementary school hoping to use these very same tactics on that little guy in your class, I would be quite glad to give you personal lessons. Feel free to contact me, we can arrange a session at my home where I will blind fold you, tie you up and beat on you for hours until you are most definitely dead. If you are one of my bullies from the "good ol' days" then I expect to see you giving me one of your whores in the very near future.
If you plan on bullying someone, my only word of advice is to learn your opponents weaknesses and exploit them.
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