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Shufflingdead > Articles > Reviews
So you really want a burger do you?
Got the munchies? Want to get that perfect...something to eat? Think of getting a burger. Now I don't mean just any burger.
I mean the perfect burger. The epitome of dead cow on a whole wheat bun. If you happen to be on the Atkins diet, why even bother cooking the cow? Just go out into a field and naw on one of those fuckers all night long. You won't be eating those nasty carbs, and you'll have all the meat you can eat until it goes rancid and is so full of bacteria you're growing new lifeforms within its anus.
Of course, knowing Western "culture", the ensuing weight loss would be attributed to the lack of carbs, not the fact that you just ran out into a field in the middle of the night, tackled a 400lb cow to the ground, tore its throat  out with your teeth, and ripped it apart with your bare hands while you feast on it's raw flesh.
Bunch of savages in this country.
But I digress. If you want the perfect burger, there is but one place which you can go. You all know it. Or you've heard about it. Or you've heard about hearing about someone hearing about it.
That Holy Pilgrimmage of Burger Joint;
White Castle
Now with every Holy Pilgrimmage, there must be shenanigans. Be they the chastisement of all that patron other evil burger joints. Or Cat and Dog Burger of Doom joints as I like to call them. Or just driving around, picking up ladies, and adding them to your list of conquests, which you keep in the glove compartment of your friend's car, written on a napkin from a Denny's restaurant.
You also have to have at least one minor infraction of a law. Whether it be jaywalking, petty theft, vandalism, or carbombing those fuckers that cut you off on the offramp. It just isn't a Holy Pilgrimmage until someone goes to jail, and has to trade cigarettes for a shiv to fight off the rapists.
Of course. You could do all of this. Have an excellent time doing so, and possibly even make it back home to tell the tale. Or you could just go see Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle.
I give White Castle:
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