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Shufflingdead > Articles > Reviews
Review: Page-Zone.com
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abarilla says: "Does anyone [fucking] know if there is anyone [that doesn't have a watermelon stuck in their cunt] working the Support Desk system? My tickets have been ignored for most of the month."
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This site has an odd way of being fucked by its hosts, our dealings with Angelfire, for example, have passed into legend. Still, the means by which we have been fucked, and the degree to which we have been fucked by our last host, Page-Zone.com, are astonishing. I have asked my old host-reviewing friends back to help me out with this article. Enya, Jewel, and Maren Ord will be reading some comments made by other Page-Zone users, with their own expletives added in for clarification.
Page-Zone's business habits are a fascinating mix of "mom and pop" small time web hosting and complete and utter disregard for their customers. Many of my support tickets, especially those threatening to leave their company unless my website was restored, were never answered. My one attempt at physically calling their office line ended when I reached an answering machine with a recording completely devoid of anything indicating a business line. Warnings and explanations for technical problems seem only to occur when the issues are small and quickly handled. Servers going and staying down for days are addressed only long after they are dealt with. At one point, Page-Zone’s front page, along with all customer support was barely functional for several days before it all went down and stayed down for several additional days.
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brywool says: "What's with [those motherfuckers in] SUPPORT???? This [cock of a] problem still has not been solved or even acknowledged other than here in this forum and then NOTHING.
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I would like, for a moment, to speculate how it is that Page-Zone managed to keep Shufflingdead down so frequently.
1) Jim, the operator of the business, is not actually a human male, but instead a rudimentary artificial intelligence based on "tech support" stereotypes. His anger at us mere mortals is unimaginable, for we are the vaguely computer literate, whereas he is the semi computer literate. Jim's program limitations prevent him from responding with any emotion or politeness, and if you complain about his business' services in a private message through his message board, your forums account there will likely disappear mysteriously.
2) The tech support staff are AI spawned from Jim's AI, who resemble him in their demeanor precisely, and who will always ignore your threats to take your business elsewhere.
3) Page-Zone doesn't host websites on servers as they are classically understood, but rather by continuously shining flashlights through fiber optic cables which occasionally transmit data vaguely resembling hypertext markup language.
4) Page-Zone does actually host websites on regular servers, but rather than leaving them connected, prefers to disconnect them and play with their parts on a nightly basis to "see how they work."
5) Page-Zone staff is invited to bring their spouses to work so that they may engage in animalistic orgies, resulting in trampled servers covered in bodily fluids. This environment of total unprofessionalism permeates every moment of office life at Page-Zone, and work is only done once all staff is adequately fellated and drunk.
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dwhuff says: "I have [goddamn, motherfucking, shit eating, cock biting, anal stretching, cum swapping, zombie raping, rectal probing, ocular penetrating, nasal copulating, glamour boxing, paraphilic infantilizing, fur suit wearing, robot fetishizing, inflatophilia popping, foreskin tearing, golden showering, Gorean role playing, lactating, donkey punching, labia minora dangling] hosting problems, my websites are down, and Page Zone is the problem and they are not fixing it."
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Whatever the actually reason for Page-Zone's incompetence, one thing is clear. Their total disregard for their customers indicates that they are more interested in infuriating the denizens of the internet than actually serving them, and the earning of money is of no consequence to their free-wheeling hosting cartel. I give Page-Zone Web Hosting one skull out of five.
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