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Shufflingdead > Articles > School
Smart People are Dumb
In my particular high school we have a group of "intelligent folks" called the International baccalaureate cult. At least, I think that's what it stands for. Even if your school is not worthy of such a program as IB, then chances are you also have a bunch of supposedly intelligent people who hang out together and act exactly the same way. These "IB's" are all friends with one another and tend to congregate in an area to pray to their unholy calculator Gods. I have several spies working for me inside the cult and thanks to their information as well as my own observations I have managed to compile a report on this most evil and barbaric club.
IB is a very secretive cult and there is only one way to get in. You must sleep with the couple who's picture is on the right. The problem is, the cult was founded by these two lovely folks and is ruled with an iron fist. They might look happy to you, however, the gentleman on the right is seven feet tall and quite cruel to say the least. The lady is an evil genius and uses her harem of IB ladies to influence the unsuspecting.
You wouldn't recognize these IB "ladies of the night" if you saw them in the hallway but don't let their appearance fool you! They are always looking for fresh male meat and will use their wit, intellect and cool glasses to get what they want. Despite the fact I've never fallen into their evil "grip of lust" I know many who have and I've witnessed their destruction. They ended up doing things like spending five hours a day at their ladies workplace and beating me at video games a lot.
These people aren't your usual "smartie pants," they drink all the time. They drink every weekend, they drink at school and they drink at work. Just remember, even if they're all alcoholics you aren't aloud to make fun of them. The IB lynch mob will get you! The IB lynch mob is a highly trained group of IB operatives who's job it is to uphold law and order as set down in the IB handbook. The IB handbook reads as follows: (note: the people in the picture sport the ideal look for an IB student)
| I as an IB student shall drink an alcoholic beverage every hour. If male, I will do four hours of homework a night and if female I will do no homework whatsoever, however I will claim to do at least six hours each night. I will kill anyone who calls me a geek, nerd, beatnik or intellectual. I will have a "partner" at all times. That partner will be in the IB organization. If there are no members of the opposite sex available, I will form a threesome with two members of the organization. I will horribly maim any male who attempts to attract the affections of one of our female members. I will become friends with all of my teachers and hit on them whenever I see them. I will follow the rules above. If I fail to fulfill any of the preceding rules I will be forced to leave IB and live a life amongst the commoners.
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You heard right, members of the cult despise being called nerds or any other word with similar meaning. They prefer simply being called 'IB.' IB's don't like being called nerds because they associate the word with people such as myself, who remain outside the cult. Anyone outside of the cult is a renegade who's mere existence is a horrible offense to those inside the cult. This is an opportunity to say "IB's all have superiority complexes" however, I will refrain out of fear of the lynch mob and will instead masturbate to thoughts of hot girls with great wit, intellect and cool glasses.
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