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Shufflingdead > Articles > School
The New High School Cliques
Anybody who's seen "Grease" knows that once upon a time, after that war, then before that other one, there were only three "cliques" in high school, they were: greasers, preppies and nerds. The groups were divided 48% greasers, 48% preppies and 4% nerds. The preppies and the greasers were almost constantly at war with each other but occasionally united to keep nerds in their place.
Quite often the older generations of this world still imagine high school to be divided this way, but as I have stayed on another semester at high school to research such matters I know for a fact that this is false. It would seem that over the years the nerds grew tremendously and gobbled up a great many people from the other groups, then split off into dozens of sub groups. At some undefined point in the future I shall construct for you the great spectrum of folk that now populate our high schools, but for now I will describe a few of them for you in painful detail.
I'm Punk Just Like Avril Lavigne
 | Lavigne is such a rebel she doesn't even need make-up to be hot. |
It seems like only yesterday that a girl of only 17 "broke onto the music scene" with a song entitled "Hit Me Baby One More Time," the song gave the girl incredible popularity and spawned an entire generation of whorish little girls obsessed with glitter and small clothes. Well all those little girls once obsessed with Britney Spears hit their rebellious years but months ago and as their first act of treachery defied their hero by changing their taste in music. Lo and behold, MTV had just what they were looking for with the likes of Avril Lavigne and shoved her not-quite sugar sweet, not-quite written by dirty old man lyrics down their collective throats, thus was born the I'm Punk Just Like Avril Lavigne girls.
I'm Punk Just Like Avril Lavigne girls are aware of only two things, that wearing a tie around your neck makes you unique and a rebel, and that Ms. Lavigne is a true and noble musician who represents all that is rebellion.
Emo
Emo is a trendy way of life which began only a couple years ago and is about one thing: angst. Everything about being emo is based on the fact that living in suburbia is the worst hell in the world and that not being able to get a girlfriend is worse than starvation, violence, war and AIDS.
Emo is largely defined by its music, I'm pretty sure that's even how emo got started. Emo bands consist of three or four guys playing various musical instruments while the lead singer/guitarist beats on his guitar to generate a sustained wining screeching sound which is nicely complimented by the sustained wining and screeching sound pouring from his mouth. Emo songs ignore the popular topics of anarchism and drugs and instead revolve entirely around being lonely. This music is epitomized by the band Dashboard Confessional.
To be emo one can not simply be lonely, however this is the first step in becoming emo. Once a person arrives at the age of 15 he finds himself confused by the rush of blood to his penile region and begins a long and winding road of sexual exploration, resulting in many infatuations, break-ups and other things which a youngster will find devastating. As a reaction to said events, the lad buys himself a pair of thick, dark rimmed glasses, quits brushing his hair and shaving and thus becomes emo.
Straight Edge (sXe)
 | Power to the individuals in cults! |
For a very long while I had wondered why I would see people in my school lurching about with big black X's drawn on the back of their hands and very recently I discovered just what all of this was about. It would seem that a group of our nation's youth has decided the once highly touted acts of smoking, drinking, drug use and consuming of meats is for fools and has decided to swear off such activities. You might be thinking that these would just be your regular religious zealots but nay, they still love the cock, not to mention loud and raucous music.
I don't know much about these "Straight Edger"'s (sXe for short) music, but I do know that any band that has X's on either side of its name and sings things like "beer is for fags, get your confidence by belonging to a cult" is probably a Straight Edge band. These bands are usually fairly "punkish" but its fans do not "mosh" as with the punks, but instead stand in rows and swing their clenched fists in a unified motion and ooze irony from every pore.
Frighteningly enough this is only a fraction of all the groups now roaming high schools. I would like to thank all the oldbies who still think there are only three kinds of people in high school for raising kids so screwed up they need to rebel by wearing unslutty clothes, cry when they masturbate and escape their problems by not drinking.
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