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Shufflingdead > E-mails
Newbs' E-mails
Send in advice, complaints, random strings of characters, or whatever. Send me an e-mail. I'll post and respond to it.
E-mail me!
[Yo Momma]
Subject: you dork! Date: January 26, 2002 7:58 PM
Dear 'Newbs'
I was recently bored, and with little to do. So i decided i would simply
wander around the internet. I came across your site! I was interested in
learnin your ways! But infact i was scared to think what kind of person you
are. I was reading around and found the part that you said you want to
'chat' with a 13 year old girl on ICQ. what are you going to do afterthat???
walk her back to daycare with her having a sore bum and a nickel in her
hand?! You sick bastered! And you also need help in writing cartoons!
Stalkin people as a joke can be funny, but when you do it for quite some
time, it's scary! quite scary! If your stalking me, you'll be alarmed (maybe
excited) to see that tomarrow, i will not be waring pants! That's because
tomarrow, i'll be spending the day with your mom! And what's with the
pictures of that guy in your 'teachers' section? are you stalking him too?
shouldn't you find a man your own age?? You seem to have a thorough
understanding of the female mind. Too bad you can't find someone to share
your website with, as that seems to be the only thing you have in your life.
Say, you don't swing to both beats do you? i happen to have a friend that
wouldn't mind having an interesting experience. If you CAN give him one.
Regarding your obsession with tim horton's: I find that's a great place to
get coffee once in a while. You claim you and your friends(??) go there on
wild nights. I find that disturbing!!! you are probably the kind of dork who
sits around playing chess at a local coffe shop.
Anyways, i gotta run, i have to go meet some friends tonight, annonomus.
ps Go buy a 'fro pick!
Newbs Response:
When I first received this email I became quite worried. You see, I got it in my personal email account instead of my site account where I receive all the other emails regarding this site. Of course, this rules out this person being an actual stranger, a very disappointing fact indeed. They also know I could grow an afro and that I play chess in coffee shops which narrows the list of potential emailers greatly but it matters not.
Now, Yo Momma informs me I am a pedophile, an exciting proposition to say the least. I know many pedophiles personally and must say they are a wonderful kind of people.
As for this "swing to both beats" business I will confess, I am only interested in the sex with the larger upper body mass I'm sorry to disappoint your friend who could have had the best night of his life with me.
[Anonymous]
Subject: Hey Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2002 16:55:59 -0700
Dear Newbious Minimus,
I have a question for you and this is serious so please respond. You know how there are geeks and preps. Well, what happens if you are neither? You are neither spoiled and you have an IQ that is about or above normal? Are you a grep? Not a geek and not a prep. What is your solution to this dilemma since in the past it has been established that you have to be one but that just isn't true.
Nicole
Newbs Response:
I’m sorry Ms. Anonymous, you are completely incorrect. There is no "gray area" in this matter, you are either one or the other. If you yourself are a "grep" as you call them then it is quite likely you are a figment of my imagination and exist only in my head as a horrible demon bent on melting my mind with your lack of intelligence.
[WyllieCoyote]
Subject : N/A Date : Sat, 1 Dec 2001 17:11:00 -0600
How dare you insult Creed! They could kick the Village People on their straightest day. Aqua is okay to below average, but putting them below Creed?!?!?! Get your head checked!
Newbs Response:
In the words of an internet user "wtf?" I most certainly did not put Aqua "below" Creed. Quite the opposite in fact, I conveyed Aqua to be a far superior group.
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