Open Letter of the Week: Perrin Kaplan
Dear Perrin Kaplan,
You may be wondering why I’m writing to you. You assume I only write to hot musician chicks and glorious old guys. Well, the thing is, I kind of consider you a hot chick. I know, I know, you’re too old for me, and you probably have some kind of family. Well, the thing is, you have an important job at Nintendo, and that’s pretty goddamn arousing. I should also point out that you have a very decent rack, a feature I value highly.
I think your roundabout PR-speak filled answers to IGN’s “Nintendo Minute” questions are hilarious, because in the obsessive Nintendo fanboy life that I lead, they seem like campy “haha, oh Perrin” moments. I also enjoy your strange and often flirty relationship with IGN’s Matt Casamassina. Just don’t get too close or I may become jealous.
I was wondering, would it be possible for you and Reggie Fils-Aime to come by my place some time? I’m thinking we could hang out, play some Mario Kart, maybe go bowling. Afterwards we could talk about giving me total control of Nintendo so that I may lead the company to unimaginable profit and success. If you’re looking for somewhere to crash afterwards, there’s plenty of room at my place.
Waiting for all the answers you’ve promised closer to launch,
Newbs