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Shufflingdead > Things of the Week > Open Letters to Fictional Characters
Link
Dear Link,
I was wondering whether or not I should write you an open letter or do a Q&A with you, when I remembered that you don't exactly talk (other than to ask the princess for the occasional kiss), so I'm going with the letter.
Link, it seems that I'm always saying to various celebrities and fictional characters things like "you're awesome," "you're the fucking man," etc. Well, you are all of those things too, but I would say I have an even greater homoerotic connection with you. You see, I've been playing Zelda games religiously since I was a kid, and I can't help but share in some of your glory. I wish I could run through fields with epic music blaring and whip out my sword when a Stalfos jumps out at me.
I guess I might as well ask you while I've got the chance, but what is it with you and chicks? You run around trying to save that cunt Zelda, even though she never puts out. You get to fuck the hottest chick of all time, Malon, and you don't even care. You even banged Princess Ruto, a Zora, a goddamn fish woman. Seriously dude, what was her vag like? I just, I just can't fathom your sex life.
I'm not Error,
Newbs
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